asker

atrendymotherfucker asked: I told my girlfriend our cat looked like Ron Swanson and she didn't agree and then I told her a bunch of cats probably do and that somewhere on the internet there would be a bunch of photos of cats looking like Ron Swanson. I thank you for proving my point!

You’re so very welcome! Happy I could help you win!

“What’s cholesterol?”

What’s cholesterol?”

“Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I’ll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night if it meant that nothing got done.”

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I’ll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night if it meant that nothing got done.”

“There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.”

There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.”

“Friends: one to three is sufficient.”
(Find more of Captain Pancakes on Instagram @GracieHagen!)

Friends: one to three is sufficient.”

(Find more of Captain Pancakes on Instagram @GracieHagen!)

I present to you… Duke Silv-purr.

I present to you… Duke Silv-purr.

"How many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?
"One."
"That’s it? One drink?"
"One shelf."
(thanks, Becky!)

"How many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?

"One."

"That’s it? One drink?"

"One shelf."

(thanks, Becky!)

"There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk."

"There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk."

(via squishfacekitties)

“The whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”

“The whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”

(via squishfacekitties)